college dilemma

dilema dela universidad

I'm really anxious for June 06, 2006. Not because if written in a shortened manner it resembles the supposedly number of the devil but because it's the date of my and my mom's flight to Manila (although I'm still slightly concerned with this coincidence).

Just 3 days away and I will leave Davao City for good, well at least for 4 months that is. I'll be in college already.

Just the mere thought of college makes my mind go to short-circuit mode. When I think of college, particularly the school that I will go to, I cannot help but think of the big risk that I took to choose this particular school (for those who do not know it I'm going to ADMU). Strange as it may sound, I'm not utterly convinced that my choice of school is the right one for me.

Well for a start there's that ''sosyal'' factor (which Ateneo is known for). As far as I know myself, I have never been sosyal all my life, in fact I detest sosyal people. Not necessarily the rich people (I know a lot of rich people who does not act sosy), but those people who acts, talks or moves in a way as to let people know that they are far and above anyone else.

There's that scholarship thing too. I had this full financial aid scholarship that I received from Ateneo that I was so ecstatic to get, but this scholarship only lasts for one year (provided I do not get a D or a F in any subjects that I will take). Diligent as I am when I want myself to be one, I still don't have enough confidence and ''mental aptitude'' to fully say that I can maintain this scholarship for my entire 5 year stay there. And if I don't maintain this scholarship I will certainly be in deep trouble. I assume that my parents cannot afford the tuition fee in Ateneo (merely a hunch, because I really do not know the exact salary of my father), and if I lose my scholarship then there's this big chance (that I so dreadfully hate to happen) that I will be transferred here in Davao.

All of these worries shouldn't have existed if only I chose UP. But there's this side of me who keeps on saying and insisting that I should go to Ateneo with all the Catch-22s aside. Nothing against UP, after all it's the''premier state university'' in our country, but I have this unexplainable instinct that I cannot achieve my best if I choose UP.

I just REALLY, REALLY hope that I will not regret my choice and I just trust that God will help and guide me make the right decisions all throughout my college life.

Apenas deseo ser feliz...
That's all.