To do: Absolutely nothing!

My goal for this summer break is to undo all the tension-filled harassment and unhinging my brain and body have experienced that were primarily precipitated by a school year's worth of academic torture. O mas lalong kilala sa katawagang “medical school”.

Update? Has been hitting the bummerific bull’s eye quite consistently so far. :D

Bum bum bum bum.

My daily existence can be summed up in the following cycle of activities: waking up, exercising, preparing breakfast, catching up on local and national news the old-school way (it’s amusingly disorienting to hold a newspaper with your bare hands after a year of not doing it), finishing that tedious-in-an-awesome-way David Foster Wallace novel, watching a movie or two (or three or more haha), Tumblr-ing, Facebook-ing, Twitter-ing, sleeping. Sometimes, a bit of variation is put in the mix, such as pigging out and/or getting wasted with old friends.

Now that I laid it all out there, I guess you could say my summer hiatus has been adopting a monotonous motif. But after a year of frenzied scrambling and juggling of numerous responsibilities (or the inability thereof), and keeping up with your ridiculously high (verging on the impossible) set of academic and personal standards, “monotony” is a much-needed, and a very welcome respite.

PS It’s exciting to hear about friends starting their transitional summer program in ASMPH. A year ago, I participated in that “program” too, wondering what the h is the point of all the month-long arts and crafts and instant role-playing activities we have been doing. Answer: A little bit close to zero, medically speaking. But it had its awesome highlights too: being able to assist in circumcisions, going house-to-house in a barangay in Tondo to inject kids with the measle and polio vaccine (with the assistance of the barangay health workers who so graciously taught us the proper technique of doing subcutaneous injections), being taught by an impossibly hot ophthalmologist about the role of management in medicine, and most importantly, getting to know your batch mates sans all the mental baggage, neuroses, drama, and doubts that are typical (and almost universally) brought about by the “real” first year of medical school. :)

WHOAH

I realized that I haven't written a single word, heck, not even a single letter here ever since med school started. Tss.

SO. A (lenten?) resolution.

WRITE MORE. WRITE WHATEVER THIS CONVOLUTED PIECE OF MUSH I CALL A BRAIN WOULD COME UP WITH.

Write my heart out.

Preview: First year of med, out! Pre-2nd year, summer bumhood, in. :D

Andito na Si Pagbabago

I have been longing for an opportunity to finally actualize what I have always wanted to make out of my earthly existence.

To follow the footsteps of the people I admire—people whose idealism never wavered despite the shitty odds, and who channeled their energies instead to substantial endeavors that, you know, actually mattered.

Unfortunately though, these ambitious dreams have taken a back (as in way WAY back) seat during my college years. So much so that I almost forgot that I had these dreams and aspirations in the first place. I became satisfied with coasting along. I had lazily done my “responsibilities”, all in the name of personal comfort.

But deep inside my heart I know that I am more than this scatter-brained pasaway who is always behindhand at everything that he does. I am capable of doing more. So much more.

To everyone who does not have an inkling of belief in what I am saying right now, and what I am about to do, Thank You.

Thank you because all that negativity only serves to fuel my desire to rise up to the challenge of becoming a better version of whoever I was before.

I believe that the opportunity I have been waiting for has finally arrived, knocking gently but persistently on my door.

And hell yes, I am going to open that freaking door.

To Lobotomize, or Not To Lobotomize?

That is the question.

Tomorrow is the start of what arguably is the most difficult phase that I will encounter in my earthly existence so far.

Tomorrow is the official start of the LOOOOOOOOONG journey that I need to partake in order for me to earn the right of adding two particular letters after my name.

You know? The M followed by a D. The ones that will give me the authority to do what I love.

But lately, after much personal reflection, and upon much taunting of my friends, I realized that a lot of my old ways are not exactly what you can call doctor-ly. If you have encountered my unique brand of kasabogan, you'll get my drift.

Don't get me wrong, I do want to change. The problem is, the moment I try to channel a serious aura, two unfortunate things happen. Either the person I am talking to laughs out loud, or I, sensing the absurdity and pretentiousness of the whole set-up, do the laughing.

You see, being serious has never been my forte in life. Maybe it's my mechanism to defend myself against Life's general asshole-ic bitchiness, but whenever stuff gets downbeat I always, though sometimes, it gets a tad inappropriate, concoct a (sarcastic) joke to ease the tension that I feel. Thus, whenever I do the whole serious shenanigan, something off usually happens.

So....

There's that.

Well, I can always come up with a middle ground, can't I?

Confession

Over the past month I have done things that were uncharacteristic of me. Some were done out of amusement. But mostly they were out of

...

Yes. Those are three dots for you my friend. And guess what? It’s your job to decipher the meaning of each. :)

PS. Thank you for giving me the best gift ever. That was one hell of a geek-gasm you gave me. One word: Diagnosis. :))

PPS. Hello adults. Will you let this sweet child be a part of your world?

i just realized

that i am not, contrary to what I had always thought of myself, the kind of person who is independent, who is amenable to being left alone. especially now.

one minute i am not, and the next minute i am. in an instant.

snap.

just letting you know i'm alive.

i have not written a word here since. and i have a good reason for that.

What it's like after they're gone?

I miss them.

To miss.

To feel the absence of.

Also, to fail to do, as to miss an opportunity.

*******************************

For the record: I hate molecular biology. Cool na kung cool, but i don't give a flying effing fuck about it. Hai.

in the eyes of a nerd

a date is nothing but just a mutual exploration of possibilities for long-term neurogenetic compatibility.

guess who's the nerd?

pushing the "door close" button is

FUN FACT:

In the elevator industry, a DOOR CLOSE button is called a pacifier button.
They're installed simply to give the illusion of control in your elevator ride.
They are almost never hooked up to a real switch.

*************************

Just Like Life.